American - True Story...?

Why learning English is important - government workers...

An All-American Story




A Somali arrives in Minneapolis as a new immigrant to the United States. He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, "Thank you Mr. American for letting me in this country, giving me housing, food stamps, free medical care, and free education!"

The passerby says, "You are mistaken, I am Mexican."

The man goes on and encounters another passerby. "Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in America!" The person says, "I not American, I Vietnamese."

The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand and says, "Thank you for the wonderful America!" That person puts up his hand and says, "I am from the Middle East, I am not American!"

He finally sees a nice lady and asks, "Are you an American?" She says, "No, I am from Russia!"

Puzzled, he asks her, "Where are all the Americans?"

The Russian lady checks her watch and says..."Probably at work."

Yeah that is most likely true...

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God says

We say, "It's impossible." GOD says, All things are possible. (Luke 18:27)

We say, "I'm too tired." GOD says, I will give you rest. (Matthew 11:28-30)

We say, "Nobody really loves me." GOD says, I love you. (John 3:16 & John 13:34)

We say, "I can't go on." GOD says, My grace is sufficient. (II Corinthians 12:9 & Psalm 91:15)

We say, "I can't figure things out." GOD says, I will direct your steps. (Proverbs 3:5-6)

We say, "I can't do it." GOD says, You can do all things. (Philippians 4:13)

We say, "I'm not able." GOD says, I am able. (II Corinthians 9:8)

We say, "It's not worth it." GOD says, It will be worth it. (Romans 8:28)

We say, "I can't forgive myself." GOD says, I forgive you. (I John 1:9 & Romans 8:1)

We say, "I can't manage." GOD says, I will supply all your needs. (Philippians 4:19)

We say, "I'm afraid." GOD says, I have not given you a spirit of fear. (II Timothy 1:7)

We say, "I'm always worried and frustrated."GOD says, Cast all your cares on Me. (I Peter 5:7)

We say, "I don't have enough faith." GOD says, I've given everyone a measure of faith. (Romans 12:3)

We say, "I'm not smart enough." GOD says, I give you wisdom. (I Corinthians 1:30)

We say, "I feel all alone." GOD says, I will never leave you or forsake you. (Hebrews 13:5)

I am sorry that a harlot like Anna Nicole Smith is dead - but what did she ever do to make the world a better place...?

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Terror in Boston...?

Terror in Boston...NOT!

From Ananova News:

(Does this image strike fear in your heart...?)


TV cartoon sparks terror alert in Beantown. OMG




A promotion for a TV cartoon show on the cartoon channel had sparked a major security alert in Boston, Mass.

Major roads and bridges were closed off and bomb squads sent in as mystery objects with wires hanging from them were found.

This image strikes terror into the heart of Bostonians....

(They were tiny electric signs)

If you are so worried about bombs and terror - then how about bringing our boys home from Iraq and deploying them around the border to keep out real terrorists. According to one study 25 Americans are killed each day by illegal aliens, by murder and drunken driving...

What do you expect of people that re-elect Kerry and Kennedy...I am not so crazy about our currect crop of republicans either...!


The first (terror?) blinking sign was found at a subway and a bus station underneath Interstate 93, and beantown police felt compelled to shut down the station and road.

Another blinking sign was blown up by a bomb disposal squad of the BPD. Let me see - a terrorist is going to plant a bomb in a sign with blinking lights...? uhh, over here - I planted a bomb...???? NOT!

Turner Broadcasting, who is the Cartoon Network's parent company, admitted that it was behind the confusion of the so called bomb scare....

(Yes people of boston the boys in blue will protect you from blinking signs)


The packages of harmless magnetic, blinking lights were part of a promotion for the TV show Aqua Teen Hunger Force. Meatwad, Shake and Fries protect us, please.

Turner Corp said that the magnetic signs had been in place for two to three weeks in 10 major US cities: Boston, New York, Los Angeles, Chicago, Atlanta, Seattle, Portland, Austin, San Francisco and Philadelphia.

"The packages in question are magnetic lights that pose no danger," the Turner company said. "We regret that they were mistakenly thought to pose any danger."

They should have said that we are so sorry that your Boston PD is a bunch of morons....

On a lighter note:

A new commandment I give unto you...

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her Young Children.

After she was done explaining the commandment to "Honor thy father andthy mother," she asked "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"

Without missing a beat one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill?"

From the mouth of Babes....

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Japan VS USA

A Japanese company and an American company decided to have a canoe race on the Missouri River.

Both teams practiced long and hard to reach their peakperformance before the race.

On the big day, the Japanese won by a mile.

The USA team was very depressed and discouraged and decided to perform an investigation for the reason for the crushing defeat.

A management team made up of senior USA management was formed to investigate and provide a recommendation for appropriate action.

Their conclusion was the Japanese had 8 people rowing and 1 person steering.

The American team had 8 people steering and 1 person rowing.

Feeling a deeper more indepth study was in order, American management hired a consulting company and paid them a large amount of money for a second opinion.

They advised, of course, that too many people were steering the boat, while not enough people were rowing. (can you say FORD and quality)

Not sure of how to utilize that information, but wanting to prevent another loss to the Japanese, the rowing team's management structure was totally reorganized to 4 steering supervisors, 3 area steering superintendents and 1assistant superintendent steering manager.

They also implemented a new performance system that would give the only one person that was rowing the boat a greater incentive to work harder.

It was called the "Rowing Team Quality First Program", with meetings, dinners and free pens for the only rower.

There was discussion of getting new paddles, canoes and other equipment, extra vacation days for practices and bonuses.

The next year the Japanese won by two miles.

Humiliated, the American management laid off the rower for poor performance,halted development of a new canoe, sold the paddles, and canceled all capital investments for new equipment.

The money saved was distributed to the Senior Executives as bonuses and the next year's racing team was outsourced to India. The End.

Sounds a little too close for comfort...does it not...?